2018 ends in 24 hours. With that in mind, I wanted to review my year as a form of fuel to propel me into the next one. Read on for some personal 2018 reflection.
Describing my year in 3 words.
You’re Doing OK.
This is what I had to chant aloud to myself in empty toilets across the campus for half the year to remind myself that I have my own back. I wrote all about my struggle with my final year here. Some people came back to me saying I had actually put them off their next year or so at university. Sorry again for that.
When did you feel at your lowest this year and why?
February – March 2018. I was at the precipice of all possible deadlines that would make or break my degree. This included various module assessments, my final dissertation hand-in and pulling off the BioSoc Easter Ball (the committee totally bossed the last one). I could essentially feel the ground slipping from under me, like a treadmill going faster than your feet.
I felt low because I thought I had planned it all out. The time pressure, the workload, everything was thought out earlier on so I could deal with it all appropriately. So when it turned out I didn’t have a handle on the situation, I felt a bit of a failure. The fact I cut my hair mid-February is something of an indicator of my mental situation. There were points during these 8 weeks where I would have happily thrown the towel in at the whole degree, much like fellow final years racing to finish the semester.
The only forces driving me were the readily available food, especially as I started over-packing food for the sole purpose of stress eating in the Avon Room, and the Biochemistry undergraduate solidarity going on. We were all in this together. It was as if those last moments had brought out a ‘No man gets left behind’ kind of mentality in us. Of course it worked. We all reached the Easter Ball with heavy under-eye bags but lighter hearts.
Moments that made me feel inspired, alive or excited in the last 12 months.
December 2017, I dropped the ball with Kyra TV (see: NAYVA) and realised I wanted to channel myself into more creative ideas when I could spare the time. I had suddenly been plunged into new possibilities
January 2018, Freudian, a World Tour by Daniel Caesar. Seeing this guy in person was probably the best experience of my life so far. Beforehand, I never understood the hype of seeing your favourite musicians play live and it
July – present day, stepping into the world of digital marketing and anything that could guide me that way. I never imagined at the start of 2018 that I would actually be making moves to step into an industry I could fully imagine myself excelling in. Yet here we are, I am trying to enter a world I have very little exposure to, building up my knowledge base as I go, propelled by the belief I belong there. The last few months have been a huge learning curve thanks to every experience I have had, from the amazing internship to the failed interviews and the mentoring I’ve been lucky enough to receive. It all makes me excited to learn more and get that job that fits me.
What have I achieved? (Killing off the imposter syndrome)
- Finished a degree with a 2.1 classification.
- Re-started this blog, and actually produced pieces I love to read.
- Am finally back to training with weights (hallelujah).
- Chaired an entire society and can safely say it was the highlight of my university career.
- Have decided that putting myself in a box is not for me. Have started to learn photoshop in the pursuit of more creative outlets with this in mind.
- Stuck to my guns about graduate jobs. Found something I actually want to do as opposed to sinking into job-seeking oblivion which I had resigned myself to upon graduating. Still unemployed but still happy to search for my best fit.
- Got some work experience which I never imagined I would do this year.
- Gave out actual thought-out Christmas presents this year (yes, this is an achievement).
- Maintained clarinet playing in all the madness.
3 ways have I grown this year?
1. I have stopped trying to change myself to accommodate other people and started evolving for the sake of my own strength and happiness.
Largely this was a growth of leadership qualities. I’ve had to be in charge this year in a variety of ways. Taking control meant I had to be the point of decision making which involved taking other people into consideration but not bowing over to all the external pressures. I learnt to say no and not make it personal.
2. Positive affirmations did not exist before 2018 for me. This year they probably saved me from giving up 1000 times.
It started with saying to myself ‘You are enough’ ‘You’re doing fine’ etc. It was a way of reinforcing confidence in myself when it seemed impossible to believe I could do what needed to be done. By saying it I actually felt better. Now I write it down a lot more, try to put it out there as much as possible that I’m capable of my goals.
3. I am now completely convinced in the idea that people are capable of growth and change in so many ways.
When I look at people I see them how I see myself (in terms of being able to learn more about the world/themselves/others). If I want other people to understand that I can be a different person to the one I was a month ago, I would like to understand that about them. In other words, much like how I’ve stopped putting myself in a box, I’ve stopped putting people into boxes.
What word will drive me into 2019?
Endeavour.
Let’s face it, one word to define a year is hard. I want the year to be full of forgiveness, generosity, laughter, strength, assertiveness, creativity, networking, and peace amongst other things. But if I want a single overarching theme to exist through 2019 then I choose endeavour. I want to endeavour to stick to my values, to uphold my love for creativity, and to love those who care for me. To keep acknowledging the people who put me where I want to be. I will strive to be ambitious and go where my gut tells me, especially if it looks difficult. Spend time putting my head down, getting the work in and placing myself in a position I’ll be thankful for in another year’s time.
So here’s to 2018 with all its ups and downs. Take note of what you’ve achieved and how far you’ve come in 365 days. Remember how much can change in even one of those. I seriously hope you get the blessings you wish for in the coming year. You couldn’t deserve it more. Trust me.